1. Set your boundaries
Ask yourself what is and is not acceptable behavior?
2. Make sure the other person is in a good place
This is where patience comes in despite you may have some sleepless nights. Confronting a situation will probably make you nervous if you aren’t used to this sort of thing.
3. Understand these are all just opportunities
All we can ever do is optimize and try and create something healthy.
4. Follow this script
[Name of the person], I need to talk to you about something… [State what is going on next]. Let me tell you what doesn’t work for me. Anytime . I choose [to do or not do something in light of that behavior].
Here is an example:
Taylor, I need to talk to you about something…
Whenever anything doesn’t work for you, you take it out on us. That doesn’t work for me.
I have observed this on more than one occasion.
Because we have a relationship, I am still with you. But, if this would have been someone that worked for me I would have fired them.
These are my boundaries and what I stand for.
5. Understand the other person may not change
The whole point of stating your boundaries is for your benefit. If the change you need happens, that is the icing on the cake.
Why don’t we do this more often?
I know for me it is because I don’t have a playbook. Without one that can guide me I end up sounding awkward and make a mess of things.
Remember that there is no perfect outcome. But, you can shoot for optimal.